I Love this Song!

 

'Not What I Thought' -Jessa Anderson

Lyrics

This is no ordinary, rational feeling
I am overtaken by a panic and run
I have fallen by the wayside many times before
And I have learned to use this love as a weapon
I am caught up by the common as usual
I have nearly followed til' my spirit was numb
I continue the ascent of never ending
Collecting all but things that matter the most

(Chorus)
But you're not what I thought when I saw you
I have been running for so long and so far
I haven't got what I thought I would find
To fill the empty up
But you're not what i thought
No you're not what i thought

There is a manner I have quietly tucked away
Yet it is fighting for a place at the top
I am dying to believe I'm big enough to try
But it's a battle I am losing alone

Chorus

Oh, oh oh
You're uncovering
What I was missing all along
Oh, oh oh
I'm giving everything
For the war
For the war is won
For the war is won

And you're not what I thought when I saw you
I had been running for so long
But now I've got
Something else, something more
That I know will fill the empty up
'Cause you're not what I thought
No you're not what I thought

Love the Way you Lie Parody! lol

So my friend Michael and I were bored recently and have been joking forever that we were going to make the 'Love the Way You Lie' Part 3 song. We made it into a Christian Song, lol ... Enjoy... And go ahead and laugh! It is pretty funny I'll add few of the blooper videos also! Comments appreciated :) lol;)

BLOOPERS :)

RoLlEr CoAsTeR oF EmOtIoNs ~ "Feelings"

              Do you ever feel like your emotions are on a roller coaster? Having a lot of UPS and DOWNS? I definitly do. I feel like some weeks are great and I'm so happy and everything is going wonderfully, then the next week it's all down hill or even from day to day, or hour to hour I sometimes feel this way. It's crazy how our emotions can change so quickly. Lately I've just really been trying to not let my emotions get the best of me. Believe me I have people in my life I want to YELL at, say a lot of things to, and people I want ignore. My emotions usually always follow someone's actions. But lately I've really been trying to stop letting other people's actions effect me. I can't change situations. I will never know all the answers to things. I won't understand why people do the things they do, but I can't let them effect how I act, cause that is just what Satan would want me to do. He wants me to get angry and retaliate and be on edge. He wants me to get angry at God for things not going the way I think or want them to and he wants me to let go when I'm not 'feeling' close to God. Satan loves, I've learned, to play off my feelings. But I've learned....

I CANNOT let my faith go solely off my feelings......

Just because God doesn't give me what I want, or show things clearly to me, or 'feels' far away, does not mean He isn't still in control and still in them for me. I can't let Satan use the way I may 'feel' to separate me from God or waiver my faith or trust in Him. When I have these times now where I feel myself having these 'down' moments I dig into the Word. Because that is where I know I'll find the truth and the answers.  

2 Timothy 3:16-17-
16 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right. 17 It is God's way of preparing us in every way, fully equipped for every good thing God wants us to do.

Hebrews 4:12-
12 For the word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are. 

           My feelings and how I feel are not something I can always trust. I can always trust God's Word though. Don't let Satan try and confuse you and mix and stir up your feelings. Go to Christ Word for everything that bothers you or anything you question. Don't rely on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6) (2 Corinthians 5:7-For we live by faith, not by sight). Even if it's what you think Christ wants, Satan can mislead us to trust what we 'think' Christ wants; but Christ's Word will give us full-proof answers that will light our way (Psalm 119:105- Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.)
           We spill out or feelings to Christ daily through our prayers and talks with Him, but sometimes we really just need to stop talking, complaining, sharing, and just listen. He will speak to us through His word. (Matthew 4:4-Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’) And when we're in those 'down' moments and not 'feeling' Christ near, just know that He is. (Deuteronomy 31:6-Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”(Hebrews 13:5))

.

Call me Out!

I'm Changing .... 

Watch Me... 

Call Me Out .....

Keep Me Accountable ... 

I want to live for Christ! I want to shine for Him! If I'm not acting like He would want me to or if I'm having a bad attitude about things then please, as a friend, tell me. I want to be more like Christ everyday. I want to stop doing things or saying things that aren't showing Christ, or showing that I trust in Him, or that don't reflect Him. I'm asking for you're help. I am not perfect. I never will be. I am selfish, jealous, I have low self-worth and esteem, I'm un-trusting, a liar, disobedient, unwilling, deceitful, mean, lazy, foolish, naive, and so many other things that don't describe Christ. I see the worst in myself sometimes and I don't want to. I want to show God's love. I want to see Christ in myself more, not only showing Him to others but seeing that He is in me when I look at myself also.  

 I need accountability

I need to be set straight a lot of times. I want to change. I want to grow. 

Please pray for me

Pray that I can let Christ take over all of me and not hold any part back. Pray that I can fully trust Him, there are so many times when I doubt things in my life and when I do that I really am not trusting that God is in control. All of these blogs or postings I write are me writing to myself mostly. I don't write anything in here thinking I've already overcome any of this. I struggle with everything I write about and fall short so many times. I just need prayer and accountability to be more like Christ from anyone who is willing to give it! Thank you for your time. Thank you for your prayers and for the ones who will make me accountable. And thank you Lord for showing me when I'm in the wrong. I love You Lord! :) AMEN!

^{Psalm 51:10-12~}

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
   or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Sun :)

I went to the park today to run and then do my devotions. I found a great little spot in the middle of a field at the park to just sit read my Bible, pray, and just listen to worship music. I was sitting there in the sun reading through Deuteronomy and today it was 60 degrees outside. It felt great just being out in the sun, but when the clouds would cover the sun it would get cold and at some points the wind would blow making the pages of my Bible turn and I would lose my spot where I was. I started thinking about just how great the sun was and the light of the sun. We need the sun in order to live. The sun keeps us warm and it seems that every time there is a sunny, warm day more people are outside and everyone seems a little happier. Then I applied the sun to how my relationship with God can be. Sometimes in my walk with God it's sunny and warm and everything seems to be going great. Then there are times where a cloud may get in the way and things may become a little cold or the wind blows and my focus is lost and things can become stressful. Sometimes in the middle of a beautiful sunny day storms can come sporadically. But you know what I always know about the sun is it will return. Even though every night I know that the darkness will come I know with the morning brings the light.  God never said I wouldn't have trials or problems,

1 Peter 4:12-13
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

God just told me He will always be there. The sun is behind that cloud. The sun comes through in the morning even when I go through times or periods of darkness. (Psalm 112:4 Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous.) God is always there. Even when my storms come or the wind blows or I feel alone or lost in darkness. He's behind that storm, He's in control of it all and is still shining brighter than ever. I just have to go through these storms or periods of darkness knowing that He is in control and will be shining through in the end.

Proverbs 4:18 - The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. 

2 Corinthians 4:6- For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

Christ's light will always prevail. I know He is in control and like the sun He will always be there even when I cannot feel Him or see Him. He is there.

Prayer Please!

Hey Guys! If you all could PLEASE pray for me! I have so much going on right now with finding out I'm going to graduate early!!!! I'm thinking of doing my internship now in Japan and I'm 'in talks' with the administrators at my school about finding a placement over there. I just felt a need and want to go there and help if at all possible and so I'm taking a looooooong shot and I'm going to try and go there. It isn't likely, but you never know! :) If God wants me there I know I'll be there! :) ... Also if not there, I am trying to get into a field placement at a Child's Advocacy center, so please keep that in your prayers for me as well! ..... One last thing! I am applying to 5 different Masters programs so please pray that the Lord will give me direction as to where to go and that all my application forms will come together! It's crazy I have to already prepare to apply! ..... Let me know if I can pray for any of you for anything at all! Thanks guys! God bless! :D ....

P.S.- Also you've prob. seen this, but in case you haven't ...  If you text REDCROSS to 90999  and then text YES to confirm your donation, it will donate $10 to those in need in Japan. The charge should appear on your next billing statement from your phone company. I'm sure that they would so appreciate your help if you can :)

Poems I Wrote

The Right Way

(Written in 2006)

~~~~~~~~~~

Left alone in the midst, Left alone to cry,

Left alone with no one and wanting to die.

The wind blows loud and strong in her way,

She tries to fight it but something is blocking the way,

The boy reaches for her hand, he grabs her before she falls,

But when he pulls her close he lets her go like she's nothing at all.

He coldly turns his back and tells her he won’t stay.

She calls out to him but he ignores her and walks away.

She's screaming from the pain and everything inside,

Until a voice calls out . . .

"My Child, I am here, Why was I not your first?

I will save you from your trials and dry your weary eyes

My Child, it is I, Your God, Father, and Most High!"

She looks to Him with praise, the pain all goes away,

The Man she needed most was never far away,

He forgives her for her sins, she smiles and feels joy,

She follows her God and forgets about the boy! :D

My Savior

(Written in 2006)

~~~~~~

You pull me in when I push you away,

You carry me through all the rocks and the clay,

You Never turn Your back,

Your Always by my side,

You are my Savior, Abba Father, and my Guide,

God thank you for saving me,

Thanks for Grace when I act the way I do,

Help me to live everyday to bring more glory to You!

Hide

(Written in 2007)

~~~~

Lonely and cold

all bottled up inside

the pressure is rising

this is hard to hide

I’ve got to keep trying

I can’t let them see

See all these things that are hurting me

I’m weak, yet I’m hard

I won’t let this go

There’s no one I’ll trust

There’s no one I’ll show

The waves are crashing in

their bigger than before

My hands on the knob

but I can’t open the door

In circles I run

to get through this race

Where are you God?

Why am I in this place?

Find me, I’ve lost me

I only feel numb

Who am I?

I wonder…

what will I become?

Ride

(Written in 2009)
~~~~

It’s hard to heal

and hard to feel hurt

but in leaving you learn

not to get stuck in the dirt.

You’re stuck in the mud

with your head buried deep,

but there’s a hand reaching

to get you out of this heap

This pathway is new

It’s a new chance,

A time to start over

and try a new dance.

Don’t be stuck in the past

and who you were before

This is your shot

To walk through a new door

God’s opening his arms

He’s pushing you through

You know if you try

nothing will stop You.

You’ll win in this battle

with God on your side,

So hold on, sit back,

and go for the ride!

The Prince or the King

(Written in 2011)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I met this Prince one day

who was charming, smart, and witty

He told me all the “right” things

like I was beautiful and pretty

He showed me sights I’d never seen

and dared me to explore

He enticed me to follow him

and he would give me more

I indulged in his ways and lived the ‘high life’

but soon I found out this would only bring me strife

He betrayed me and left me in the cold

He told me I was nothing and something no one would want to behold

Just when I thought I should give up

the Light shined towards my way

and there He came, my King, to save the day

The prince did not like my King

he plotted to have Him slain

my King was strong enough to win

but knew there was much to gain

He took my sins upon the cross

and because of this the Light shined through

The prince of darkness lost

that day and I became anew!

What are you Chasing?

What are you chasing after?

There are many things we chase after in life. We chase after a specific career goal or a lifestyle. We chase after a guy or girl that we like. We chase after having the newest thing. We chase after famous actors or actresses. We chase after our favorite bands.

Think about how far you've seen people go to get a ticket to their favorite concert. Or think about the people who start sitting outside of stores for a new video game or gadget that they want days in advance before it comes out. Think about all the time and effort we put into trying to get someone to like us or in trying to 'make it in this world' and achieve success in school to get a good paying job.

I'm not saying any of this is necessarily bad at all. I'm just saying where is it in relation to how we chase after Christ?  I think about how much time I spend on the chasing after friends, or watching a TV show, or trying to keep up with my favorite celebrities, or liking a guy and wanting him to feel the same, or before when I was wanting to be a Nurse having the wrong mindset in choosing that as my career choice, only because I know I could make a lot of money and others wanted me to do it.

How much time do we truly spend in chasing after Christ and heavenly things? He is our maker! Why do we not daily chase after Him? I know personally I can become so lazy at times and just numb myself to the things of this world (not necessarily "bad" things, just not things that aren't really bettering Christ in this world).

My friend told me a story once about how he was in love with this girl. She and him had dated quite a while and then she broke up with him when they graduated from high school. He was heart broken and started doing anything he could to try and get her back. He wrote her letters. He always was there for her. He kept her in the forefront of his mind. He chased after her...Hard... Then one day realizing his efforts were not working, he broke down. He thought about how much he was chasing after her and how much she would reject him, maybe every once in a while she would give him a little hope by calling him back or agreeing to see him, but she never really would come back and he realized that he was showing God that same rejection... Think about how much Christ pursues a relationship with us and chases after our hearts. He wrote us a whole love letter telling us how much He loves us and His plan for us. He is our biggest fan and our greatest love, yet we constantly find other things to pay more attention to or give more of our time and energy to (Other things to 'chase after' in place of Him.) We reject the precious gifts He sends into our lives. We need to stop running after other things and let him catch us and just rest in his Love and Mercy. We need to stop chasing after the wrong things and start chasing back after Him   .... Lets show Him that we love Him back and start running for the Great Prize our Lord,  Jesus Christ!

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 ~ "²⁴ Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. ²⁵ Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. ²⁶ Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. ²⁷ No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."