. . .Oh Relationships. . .

So it's REALLY great what I've been learning lately just in my relationship with Christ and learning to trust in Him more, as I should. I have always been known, by my close friends, to want a relationship:/. I just have always had that dream, as many girls have, of falling in love and having a family, etc. Now I will admit I have settled before in guys that I have dated because of this wanting a relationship feeling, but for the most part I do not settle. I know what I want. I know the kind of guy God would want for me as a husband. I would never date anyone who wasn't a Christian and I would never marry anyone I wouldn't feel could be a spiritual leader and who loves God with his whole heart. But like I said.... I've made mistakes in dating....

The first guy I ever called my boyfriend, at that time in my life, I was very unforgiving and would refuse to date anyone who wasn't a Virgin. I just felt that if I was waiting, then the person I would be with must be waiting as well. In having this way of thinking, the first guy I dated lied about his past (which isn't my fault, you can't make someone lie, but still I should have been a more forgiving person). His lies led to more lies in the relationship and ultimately the relationship failed. God was talked about in the relationship, but was never the center of our relationship.I felt like I was always trying to "push" God onto him. BIG problem! So after him I decided I would never date anyone again that God wouldn't be the center and I would be more forgiving of others pasts and learn to see them more as Christ has...... 

So the second guy I called my boyfriend was really a GREAT guy. He loved God and was striving after Him. He was very involved in the church we both go to, but I never really asked God if this relationship was what He wanted. I just assumed because this guy was a Christian and striving after God that he would be a guy I should date..... Again I was wrong, lol. The guy and I were just in very different places in our lives and honestly he was a lot more mature than I was at the time and so again it didn't work out and God wasn't the focus, even though I thought He was. It was more like I was living my life for Christ and he was doing that also, but we weren't doing that in our relationship together. We weren't sharpening each other more for Christ as partners (Proverbs 27:17)... 

So then there's the last guy I called my boyfriend. Again another really good guy. But really the relationship didn't last long, just the me wanting it to did, and I think I tricked myself into thinking it was what God wanted and it wasn't. There was a lot of immaturity in that relationship as well on both ends and untruthfulness. I really made myself think the last one was something God had brought together, but now have realized it was just me wanting it to be that and really the guy is a good Christian guy, but us together was not a Christ focused relationship, like I should be in.....

So all my relationships haven't worked out.... Now I know I haven't really dated a lot, but I called a guy my boyfriend 3 more times than I ever wanted to. I wanted the first guy I dated to be "the one." Obviously I've been doing something wrong! I know God didn't want me to feel the heartbreak I've felt in the past. I also know that the heartbreak I've felt has always been my own fault for not truly asking and seeking what Christ wants.

I've dated other guys never calling them boyfriends, but gone on dates also with people, and I never really just ask God if it's, "Okay". I just assume, a lot, if a guys a Christian and actively pursuing Christ then it's fine, Right?... I've learned so much lately how wrong I am for thinking that way:/.

I think I've just been scared like I know a lot of my friends are and thought..... Okay, when you first start to date if your not a Christian you have a HUGE pool to choose from in dating. Once you become a Christian your pool goes significantly down because you should be dating only others who say they are Christians, BUT WAIT........ a LOT of people say they are Christians and a lot of times there is no fruit there so you have to find someone who you are equally yoked with (2 Corinthians 6:14). Okay.... then the pool gets even smaller because let's face it you do have to be physically attracted to the person and them to you as well. So really it's scary to think how small that pool of eligible guys is.....:/ Eek, lol. (Below is my silly diagram of this, lol, click to make it bigger)

I have really never 100% given my dating life to Christ. Maybe 95% but I've kept 5% back... I realized this a few weeks ago and since I've really let go of my selfishness, stopped worrying, and stopped just dating guys because they say their Christians, my life and attitude on certain things has completely changed for the better:). I'm no longer chained to the worry of it all. I trust in Christ 100%! And God has really been blessing me already for doing this. It's truly amazing! I know He will bring the right guy in the right time... His time:). I may know him now or I may meet him a few years from now and maybe there won't ever be a guy ever (Honestly I think there will be just because of the 1 Corinthians 7:9, lol ;) I am human, lol) But in all seriousness even if there never is anyone, I am completely fine with that and completely trust in whatever Christ's best is for me:)!

So give it all to Him. If any of you are struggling with this issue, don't fight Christ for that 5% you may be holding back. Give it all to Him and you're guaranteed to get the best back (Psalm 37:4).... Christ's Best! Now why would we ever try and fight that! :)

JOY:D .... Change

Divorce

Divorce .... It's so present today in our society isn't it? It's so sad to see what God wanted to always stay together be torn part and thrown aside. People get married barely knowing one another and even Christians will get married and not keep Christ their focus and then it comes.... Divorce.... 

A marriage is suppose to reflect Christ and the Church. There should never be separation, adultery, or fighting, etc., but this all happens doesn't it? I hope and pray that I find a man that is Godly and strives to keep Christ the center of his life. A man that is Courageous and on fire for the Lord. I won't settle for anything less, because without a man like that divorce is likely to happen. I won't stop striving to be a woman on fire for Christ either or divorce will be likely to happen. I hope to find a man that can lead me, stand up when I can't, who can challenge my faith and uplift me. A man who can make me want to be a better follower for Christ. Who I can partner with in doing Christ's work....

(When I first heard this song, I fell in love with it. I want a man that would have this song as his theme song to life in dealing with family and marriage and following Christ. It's a GREAT song of how a Christian man should Lead)

I hope to find someone who won't give up the fight. Who will fight in this world of brokenness to never let us fall apart. Let what God has brought together never be separated (Mark 10:8-9~ and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”) ...Divorce is an ugly thing. It hurts everyone involved. Divorce runs through families and runs through our society. I'm not scared though for my future. I'm preparing now for my future husband (if I ever do get married) and I know God is preparing him and I will fight Satan and his attemps to tear down the picture that I would represent with my husband of Christ and the church. I will not give up. It will be hard. Marriage is, ask anyone!.... But with Christ at the center and focus on Him I hope to never have to repeat what my parents and many others have had to face ... divorce....

Idols

I was thinking the other day of how many things can become idols in my life. I was talking with my friend Chad over Skype and we were just discussing some areas of our life that we made into idols. We both mentioned relationships with boyfriends/girlfriends (or just wanting a relationship in general). We mentioned TV shows, the computer, sports, video games, jobs, etc. He also mentioned his blog/YouTube site (he has his own channel he does a few videos on and his own blog he writes everyday). There are so many things that become idols in our lives. We were even discussing how godly things or things we try and do for God can become idols in our lives. We can sometimes put things we do for God in front of God or lose site of what our real purpose is. We were discussing how it is just so easy for things to slide in and take over. I just wanted to put this blog out there for others to be able to help keep me accountable to not let things become idols in my life. I have let many things become things I have put before God, sometimes not even realizing it and sometimes just making excuses for those things, and I don't want to do that anymore. I just have been trying to grow more lately and change as a woman for Christ and I have a lot of things I want to change in myself and things I want to do for Him. I want Him first and nothing else to block His path in my life. So, in order to do that, as my brothers and sisters in Christ please point out to me when I'm in the wrong. I want my light to be bright and not dulled by anything of this world or anything I shade or hide the light with. :) Thanks guys! I Love you all!  :D