Death

Life can Really change in an instant.......

April 22, 2013

My life changed....

The world became a different place...

Life will forever be different.

Why?

My father passed away April 22, 2013.... We knew for years he had an illness that would take him, but this was too soon. It reminded me of my parents divorce in a way... I always thought it was inevitable that they would divorce, but until it actually happened the reality of the situation was not real..... I knew my dad would die, but for me the reality of hearing my sister calling me, crying, forcing the words from her mouth that our dad was dead, was what really made everything real. My stomach dropped, I dropped, and I felt my heart feel ripped from my chest  and I started hyper-ventilating and the tears began to fall ..... WHY?

WHY GOD?

It's so surreal at first. All I could keep repeating was, "NO! No! NO! No! No!" Over and over again as if me saying, "No" could change anything. Andrew, my boyfriend, held me tight as I kept repeating over and over, "No!" .... I even believed it wasn't real until I actually saw my dad. I thought we'll get to his house and he'll be alive... This isn't real..... But I couldn't deny it as I held him while he laid lifeless on the ground. I rubbed his head, held his hand, and felt no warmth or life from him. I even pleaded holding him saying, "No" all over again, but he was gone despite my pleas. Dad was gone forever.....

So of course the questions arise.....

WHY?

Why me?

Why now?

Why God?

I'd like to say I have all the answers to those question, but I do not....

I do have though the promises God has given me and shown me through His word that He has used to comfort me.

That night, that horrible night...... God had family and friend rush to my siblings and my side instantly, Matthew 5:4- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
 God made that apparent in having several of my close friends and family available to be able to come over (two of my friends were even able to stay with me that night and one the following night).... My boyfriend got off work to be with me immediately and knew what had happened before I even did and was on his way. (He also found out about a job opportunity later in that week, which we would have thought would have moved him weeks earlier, but he was around and not working in the new job yet, so he was able to be there for me.) God provided those people at the exact right time to help me. To mourn with me. To comfort me and show me His love through them.

Days passed . . .

The memorial service was an example of more love shown through God, through people, Ecclesiastes 3:4-a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Time went on and even just last week on my birthday a song began playing from my bedroom, no one was in the room. This CD player had never gone off on it's own and my dad's CD that we made, of the songs he wanted on a CD, started playing loudly the song ,' The Man I want to Be'....

You see my dad was not the man he wanted to be at the end of life. My dad was sick not only physically, but mentally. The alcohol and pain medication controlled his body and made him into a different person than I once knew. Even in our last conversation, I got to tell my dad how much I loved him and I knew he didn't want to say or do the things he was doing. I told Him I loved him and that God loved him. God even provided that last phone call as a positive one and the last visit as a happy one (Dad getting to see our family dog he loved so much and my little cousin Lucy also came). When I was growing up and he took me to all my soccer games and cheered me on, played with me and he was my daddy. He was not this way in the end, but I believe with all my heart he wanted to be and that's why this was one of the songs on the playlist he left.

God has used so many little things to help me get through this time... Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.......

Without Him there is no doubt I could not get through this, but He is daily giving me that peace that transcends all understanding, Philippians 4:4-7 -Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Things aren't normal and I don't believe they ever will be on this earth for me again. But I trust and believe and love God more than I ever have. He has drawn me even closer to Him through this. He has held me, comforted me, and helped me to keep moving on.

God you are good.... I love you and I trust in You, even though I don't understand..... Tell Dad, 'I love him' and I'll see him again one day . . . . <3

Comforting Scripture . . .

Jeremiah 29:11 -
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
Isaiah 41:10 -
'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'
Revelation 21:4 -
and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."
Matthew 11:28-30 -
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. "For My yoke is easy, and My load is light."
Zephaniah 3:17 -
"The LORD your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.
Jeremiah 17:7-8 -
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD. "For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit.
Psalm 23:4 -
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
Colossians 3:2-4 -
Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.
Isaiah 40:29 -
He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power.