OvErWhelmed!

Overwhelmed.....
Do you ever feel overwhelmed?
Lately I feel like I can't really get a break....
-I'm finishing up my Undergrad and dealing with test, papers, etc.
-I'm applying for Master's programs; filling out application, writing essays, contacting people, getting recommendations, etc.
-Looking for a job; going on interviews, job searching
-Paying Bills: car insurance, cell phone, loans, gas, Christmas gifts!, etc.
-Cleaning my room and car (which never seem to stay clean:/)
-Having anxiety over not working out enough
-Dealing with my Father and his health concerns and various issues
I just have felt overwhelmed, like I can't just rest without worry lately. . . Or at least I have been feeling that way, but I am now getting a lot better. I've been praying a lot the past few weeks over all of my overwhelming feelings...... I am so selfish to get so anxious, worried, or feel sorry for myself. There are so many other people out in this world that have it worse than I do.
With my whole list of overwhelming things I need to look at the blessings with each.
For example:
~Overwhelmed with my undergrad coming to an end- HEY! I'm going to have a degree with honors! Praise the Lord that He allowed me to go to college and get an education!
~Overwhelmed with applying for Graduate schools-HEY! Isn't it great that the Lord blessed me with good grades and I can do an advanced standing program that will let me complete grad school in a year! AMEN!
~Overwhelmed with cleaning my room and car- HEY! I have a room to live in and call my own and a car! Why am I complaining!? SELFISHNESS!!!!!! It's my fault their not clean! I need to act with gratitude for the things the Lord has blessed me with and take care of them!
~Overwhelmed with paying bills- HEY! THE LORD ALWAYS PROVIDES!!!!!! Bills will be paid! Isn't it a blessing that I can afford the things Christ has given me? It's a blessing to be able to pay the bills! Thank You Lord!
~Overwhelmed with not working out enough- HEY! MY BODY IS A TEMPLE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT! (1 Corinth. 6:19-20) Make time! Wake up earlier! Amen, that I am healthy and God has blessed me to live without physical disabilities!
~Overwhelmed with everything with my Dad. This has by far been the most overwhelming thing in my life, ever. But HEY!!!!!! I have a Dad and knew him before he turned into how he is now and how he acts now. My dad was at every soccer game and told me he loved me and still does. Some people never knew there dad or had them say they love them or show them love. HEY! My Dad is still alive and there is always an opportunity to share the Gospel with him! Plus I've been overwhelmed in a good way with support from church family and friends helping to pray and visit my dad! God's just showing me how many people really care and are there to support me and my family! :)
God I'm sorry for being so ungrateful and selfish at times. With all the overwhelming things in life, I know You are in control and are teaching me through everything and will give a peace to transcend ALL understanding (Phil 4:6-8).
I challenge you all that when you're overwhelmed know that someone always has it worse and that GOD IS IN CONTROL! HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE (Hebrews 13:5)”And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose."  (Romans 8:28)! Amen!

Great Sermon Series!

http://www.southlandchristian.org/series/serial-dating/man-and-woman/ .... This series I've been looking at online is amazing! The link above is to the second sermon in the series. It's very inspirational. My friend, a woman I know, encouraged me to look at it. :) I'm just passing it along! :) Enjoy!

TV (Click!)

So I'm excited! I started something new after realizing a behavior of mine that was not good. This behavior I believe many can relate to me on, watching TV! I literally watch TV like it's my job sometimes. I can watch it allllllllllll daaaaaaaaaaaaay looooooonnnnng and waste a whole day just watching TV. It's not even like I'll have a show on either that I want to watch. I mean sometimes, yeah, I will, but mostly it's just something to watch to fill up time. Time where I could be mediating with God, praying, doing devotions, working out, serving others, working on homework, so many more valuable things! Yet for years I've filled my time with watching TV! .... Why do I do this? I asked myself this recently and then I realized why it is I watch so much TV. I do it to try and ignore how I really feel about things. I use TV to ignore my problems, because when you're watching TV you can forget about what's going on around you and just numb your mind to what's going on in the fantasy TV land or focus on reality TV stars problems. I've let TV become such a big thing in my life it has wasted so much time I could have used for God. I started cutting it out just this past Monday (my new rule for myself is not to watch TV whenever I'm alone), already I can see results! My homework is getting done faster, my devotions are going better, when I cleaned my room earlier today (deep cleaned, lol, this took a few hours) I listened to praise music instead of watching TV and it changed my whole day around and just made me happier and feel better! I can't believe I didn't realize all of this sooner. I can't believe I didn't realize how much I was letting something rule over my life! I can now focus on the things I try and numb myself to not thinking about by watching TV and really find real solutions! Pray for me please! There are already times at night before bed where I just want to watch something to put me to sleep, or I want to watch 'Glee' or 'The Office' because there such funny shows, but for now 'No TV,' when I'm on my own, is my commitment to God up until a date, I think, He put on my heart (I'll keep this private). I want to watch it also when I'm having rough times in my day and wanting to just forget about what I'm thinking about, but I'm not..... It's crazy maybe for some of you to think, "Really cutting out TV is going to be this big of a deal?" But YEAH! It is!..... I didn't notice this, like I said, for years and it's not like I read something or heard a sermon that woke me up to this revelation. I know it was God who woke me up to it, because I've been earnestly wanting to know His Will for things and situations and I didn't know but a lot of time I was blocking out what He was trying to teach or show me by filling my time and energy with watching TV. He pointed this out to me and revealed that it was what was keeping the truth hidden from me and keeping me from Him.
Maybe there are things you numb your feelings by doing? Maybe it's shopping, playing video games, playing/watching sports, being on the computer, focusing only on work, focusing only on school, whatever it may be? We HAVE to have that time for God! We HAVE to let Him be our focus and what has most of our time! You can spend time with God by not only doing devotions and prayer (which I know, inexcusably though, can be hard to keep up with), but we spend time with God when we're doing things that He, Himself would do or are showing Him to others, or just are daily things really. Things like helping the homeless, volunteering, going to church services, listening to praise music, exercising while listening to praise songs, talking with God while walking around at a park, praying to Him for help on a homework or job assignment that is hard, reacting to others in a Godly way instead of what our flesh wants to say or do. There really are so many ways to make and let God have most of our time!...... Help me to do this, please! Pray for me! I'm so excited that God has corrected me and I know this will draw me closer to Him :)!

~AMEN~

Below is a story a friend of mine shared on FB. It's REALLY good and insightful!

--------
A few months before I was born, my dad met a stranger who was new to our small Tennessee town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer, and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the world a few months later. As I grew up I never questioned his place in our family. Mom taught me to love the Word of God. Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger was our storyteller. He could weave the most fascinating tales. Adventures, mysteries and comedies were daily conversations. He could hold our whole family spellbound for hours each evening. He was like a friend to the whole family. He took Dad, Bill and me to our first major league baseball game. He was always encouraging us to see the movies and he even made arrangements to introduce us to several movie stars. The stranger was an incessant talker. Dad didn't seem to mind, but sometimes Mom would quietly get up - while the rest of us were enthralled with one of his stories of faraway places - and go to her room read her Bible and pray. I wonder now if she ever prayed that the stranger would leave. You see, my dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions. But this stranger never felt an obligation to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our house - not from us, from our friends, or adults. Our longtime visitor, however, used occasional four-letter words that burned my ears and made Dad squirm. To my knowledge the stranger was never confronted. My dad was a teetotaler who didn't permit alcohol in his home - not even for cooking. But the stranger felt he needed exposure and enlightened us to other ways of life. He offered us beer and other alcoholic beverages often. He made cigarettes look tasty, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (too much too freely) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing. I know now that my early concepts of the man/woman relationship were influenced by the stranger. As I look back, I believe it was the grace of God that the stranger did not influence us more. Time after time he opposed the values of my parents. Yet he was seldom rebuked and never asked to leave. More than thirty years have passed since the stranger moved in with the young family on Morningside Drive. But if I were to walk into my parents' den today, you would still see him sitting over in a corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. His name? We always called him TV. And now TV  has a wife named internet.
(author unknown)

Updates!

No Africa :/ I will not be going for now, but hopefully will go in the future! :) .....

.....

Another update! I've realized a HUGE thing Satan was using to pull me from God and to hide me from dealing with things in my life. I'm going to begin a fasting this thing and a few other different things in my life! I ask for your prayers as God opens my heart and eyes to what His will is.

Guidance

SOOOOO confused! I need some prayer sent my way please! I'm confused where God is leading with everything with Africa. I know that I will definitely go one day. I just don't know if the timing is right for what I have set as of right now! PLEASE PrAy for me and the Lord's guidance in all areas of my life! I want what He wants and not what I want!

~Application to Africa~

So I'm turning in my application this week to become a part of the African Mercy crew from Jan- Mid-March of next year! I REALLY feel like this is where God wants me and I'm very excited to maybe have this opportunity! Please say prayers for me and my application process! Thank you all so much!!! :) 
God Bless!
<3 Taylor

? What you REALLY think ?

Have you ever wondered what people really think about you? Have you ever wanted to tell someone something you're thinking about what they are doing or how they are acting? I know I have.... At times, though, it can be really scary/hard to tell someone, you care about, how you are really feeling and something you are concerned about in their lives. I want people to be honest with me. I want to be told, out of a loving spirit, things that I can change to be a better person and be more how Christ wants me to be. I know that it can be hard to tell someone how you're really feeling, though, cause I've been there with people before and am still now. Soooooo... I created an email account (thetruth1989@yahoo.com) and the password everyone can have (truth777). I'd really love to hear some constructive criticism, given in a Christ-like manner, or caring manner, that anyone would have for me. :) ... If you could just go to that e-mail login and send anything you want to say to (taylorpageh@yahoo.com) that would really help me into becoming more like the woman I should strive to be :)! ... Please just delete the sent e-mails after you send them. (I can see that turning into a bad situation otherwise, lol)... Thanks and God Bless! :)

. . .Oh Relationships. . .

So it's REALLY great what I've been learning lately just in my relationship with Christ and learning to trust in Him more, as I should. I have always been known, by my close friends, to want a relationship:/. I just have always had that dream, as many girls have, of falling in love and having a family, etc. Now I will admit I have settled before in guys that I have dated because of this wanting a relationship feeling, but for the most part I do not settle. I know what I want. I know the kind of guy God would want for me as a husband. I would never date anyone who wasn't a Christian and I would never marry anyone I wouldn't feel could be a spiritual leader and who loves God with his whole heart. But like I said.... I've made mistakes in dating....

The first guy I ever called my boyfriend, at that time in my life, I was very unforgiving and would refuse to date anyone who wasn't a Virgin. I just felt that if I was waiting, then the person I would be with must be waiting as well. In having this way of thinking, the first guy I dated lied about his past (which isn't my fault, you can't make someone lie, but still I should have been a more forgiving person). His lies led to more lies in the relationship and ultimately the relationship failed. God was talked about in the relationship, but was never the center of our relationship.I felt like I was always trying to "push" God onto him. BIG problem! So after him I decided I would never date anyone again that God wouldn't be the center and I would be more forgiving of others pasts and learn to see them more as Christ has...... 

So the second guy I called my boyfriend was really a GREAT guy. He loved God and was striving after Him. He was very involved in the church we both go to, but I never really asked God if this relationship was what He wanted. I just assumed because this guy was a Christian and striving after God that he would be a guy I should date..... Again I was wrong, lol. The guy and I were just in very different places in our lives and honestly he was a lot more mature than I was at the time and so again it didn't work out and God wasn't the focus, even though I thought He was. It was more like I was living my life for Christ and he was doing that also, but we weren't doing that in our relationship together. We weren't sharpening each other more for Christ as partners (Proverbs 27:17)... 

So then there's the last guy I called my boyfriend. Again another really good guy. But really the relationship didn't last long, just the me wanting it to did, and I think I tricked myself into thinking it was what God wanted and it wasn't. There was a lot of immaturity in that relationship as well on both ends and untruthfulness. I really made myself think the last one was something God had brought together, but now have realized it was just me wanting it to be that and really the guy is a good Christian guy, but us together was not a Christ focused relationship, like I should be in.....

So all my relationships haven't worked out.... Now I know I haven't really dated a lot, but I called a guy my boyfriend 3 more times than I ever wanted to. I wanted the first guy I dated to be "the one." Obviously I've been doing something wrong! I know God didn't want me to feel the heartbreak I've felt in the past. I also know that the heartbreak I've felt has always been my own fault for not truly asking and seeking what Christ wants.

I've dated other guys never calling them boyfriends, but gone on dates also with people, and I never really just ask God if it's, "Okay". I just assume, a lot, if a guys a Christian and actively pursuing Christ then it's fine, Right?... I've learned so much lately how wrong I am for thinking that way:/.

I think I've just been scared like I know a lot of my friends are and thought..... Okay, when you first start to date if your not a Christian you have a HUGE pool to choose from in dating. Once you become a Christian your pool goes significantly down because you should be dating only others who say they are Christians, BUT WAIT........ a LOT of people say they are Christians and a lot of times there is no fruit there so you have to find someone who you are equally yoked with (2 Corinthians 6:14). Okay.... then the pool gets even smaller because let's face it you do have to be physically attracted to the person and them to you as well. So really it's scary to think how small that pool of eligible guys is.....:/ Eek, lol. (Below is my silly diagram of this, lol, click to make it bigger)

I have really never 100% given my dating life to Christ. Maybe 95% but I've kept 5% back... I realized this a few weeks ago and since I've really let go of my selfishness, stopped worrying, and stopped just dating guys because they say their Christians, my life and attitude on certain things has completely changed for the better:). I'm no longer chained to the worry of it all. I trust in Christ 100%! And God has really been blessing me already for doing this. It's truly amazing! I know He will bring the right guy in the right time... His time:). I may know him now or I may meet him a few years from now and maybe there won't ever be a guy ever (Honestly I think there will be just because of the 1 Corinthians 7:9, lol ;) I am human, lol) But in all seriousness even if there never is anyone, I am completely fine with that and completely trust in whatever Christ's best is for me:)!

So give it all to Him. If any of you are struggling with this issue, don't fight Christ for that 5% you may be holding back. Give it all to Him and you're guaranteed to get the best back (Psalm 37:4).... Christ's Best! Now why would we ever try and fight that! :)

JOY:D .... Change

Divorce

Divorce .... It's so present today in our society isn't it? It's so sad to see what God wanted to always stay together be torn part and thrown aside. People get married barely knowing one another and even Christians will get married and not keep Christ their focus and then it comes.... Divorce.... 

A marriage is suppose to reflect Christ and the Church. There should never be separation, adultery, or fighting, etc., but this all happens doesn't it? I hope and pray that I find a man that is Godly and strives to keep Christ the center of his life. A man that is Courageous and on fire for the Lord. I won't settle for anything less, because without a man like that divorce is likely to happen. I won't stop striving to be a woman on fire for Christ either or divorce will be likely to happen. I hope to find a man that can lead me, stand up when I can't, who can challenge my faith and uplift me. A man who can make me want to be a better follower for Christ. Who I can partner with in doing Christ's work....

(When I first heard this song, I fell in love with it. I want a man that would have this song as his theme song to life in dealing with family and marriage and following Christ. It's a GREAT song of how a Christian man should Lead)

I hope to find someone who won't give up the fight. Who will fight in this world of brokenness to never let us fall apart. Let what God has brought together never be separated (Mark 10:8-9~ and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”) ...Divorce is an ugly thing. It hurts everyone involved. Divorce runs through families and runs through our society. I'm not scared though for my future. I'm preparing now for my future husband (if I ever do get married) and I know God is preparing him and I will fight Satan and his attemps to tear down the picture that I would represent with my husband of Christ and the church. I will not give up. It will be hard. Marriage is, ask anyone!.... But with Christ at the center and focus on Him I hope to never have to repeat what my parents and many others have had to face ... divorce....

Idols

I was thinking the other day of how many things can become idols in my life. I was talking with my friend Chad over Skype and we were just discussing some areas of our life that we made into idols. We both mentioned relationships with boyfriends/girlfriends (or just wanting a relationship in general). We mentioned TV shows, the computer, sports, video games, jobs, etc. He also mentioned his blog/YouTube site (he has his own channel he does a few videos on and his own blog he writes everyday). There are so many things that become idols in our lives. We were even discussing how godly things or things we try and do for God can become idols in our lives. We can sometimes put things we do for God in front of God or lose site of what our real purpose is. We were discussing how it is just so easy for things to slide in and take over. I just wanted to put this blog out there for others to be able to help keep me accountable to not let things become idols in my life. I have let many things become things I have put before God, sometimes not even realizing it and sometimes just making excuses for those things, and I don't want to do that anymore. I just have been trying to grow more lately and change as a woman for Christ and I have a lot of things I want to change in myself and things I want to do for Him. I want Him first and nothing else to block His path in my life. So, in order to do that, as my brothers and sisters in Christ please point out to me when I'm in the wrong. I want my light to be bright and not dulled by anything of this world or anything I shade or hide the light with. :) Thanks guys! I Love you all!  :D

Praise To Him

God I need You. God I want You. God I surrender. God I'm sorry. God you are the Great I Am! God you are so good. God You have healed me. God You are Always there. God you protect me, even when I fight You. God You have shown me more than I thought I could see. God you made my dreams big! God You plan my every step. God take away my selfishness, take away my pride. God take away anything that pulls me away from, distracts, or doesn't bring me closer to You. I want to know You more! I want to see Your face! I want to be the woman You desire me to be. I want to live Your will and kill my own. I want You! I need You! You are my breath of living water. You are what keeps me safe and sane and happy. You are my light. I don't deserve You. I don't deserve anything! Nothing I do could wash away my stains. ONLY You can wash me white as snow. Only You can make me whole. Only You can cleanse me from my sins. You are my God! You are my Father! You are my Healer! You are my guide! I love You! And even when I act in sin and throw dirt in your face with the things I do... You still love ..... You take me back every time I fall.... I know You are there! I know You are catching me when I fall and when I stumble and You are there every time to warn me before I even fall. You always give a way out! You, God, are EVERYTHING to me! I love You more than the words in my brain or heart can explain! Thank You Lord! Thank You for always loving me and holding me close.

Osama Bin Laden is dead.

Osama Bin Laden is dead.

You know what I thought about when I, literally just a few minutes ago, heard that?

I thought about all the terror he caused and what he did and why he did it.
He believed so much in what he was doing and in his religion.

He sacrificed his life for what he believed and hid in caves for years for what he believed in.

What did he believe in and ultimately sacrifice his life for? .....  A LIE.

........

I actually believe in what is real.

And there are so many people out there that seem to have greater faith in what isn't real  and the lies than I do in the truth, Jesus Christ. Satan leads them into beleiving all these lies, so much, that they end up killing others and causing terror to so many because of the lies they believe.
I should be making bold, huge impacts for the right faith which is believing in Jesus Christ and having a relationship with him.

There are so many people dying and sacrificing for nothing and it's sad that I sit in my comfort zone too many times and don't take chances on sacrificing for what is real and what is the truth, Our Savior,  Christ Jesus.

.... Don't Wait Until It's Too Late ....

Death. Do you ever think about it? I was driving the other day and a car came too close to hitting me. I was thinking later about that and the thought of one second driving and then the next being in front of the Lord. Would God be happy with me? 
Would he like where my life was going?
Would he be proud of what I was doing that day; What I was thinking about at that moment?
Where my priorities were? ... 
It's crazy to think about, but one day we all know we will die. But do you REALLY think of how that moment will be? We'll take our last breath and then wake up in front of Christ. Will we be ashamed thinking we should have done more on earth or lived more like Him or will we know that we did all we could for the Lord?
Christ will know everything we've ever done and everything we were doing. He'll know if we were lying to someone close to us, or going out and partying all the time, or looking at filth on the internet, or going too far with that guy or girl. He'll know what our thought life is/was. He'll know if we were being 'fake' or not. He'll know EVERYTHING about us. He'll know the REAL us. The REAL you. The REAL me. Are you ready? 
Are you ready to stand before Him? Are you prepared for Him to say, 'Well done my good and faithful servant." Or will the look be one where He does not know you? He does not recognize you because the whole time you weren't really His. You were fake to everyone and you even fooled yourself maybe, but not Him. He was never fooled. He saw the REAL you the whole time. Don't wait! We don't know how much time we really have. Lives are taken in an instant. Stop being fake, start being REAL. Look at your heart, examine it, because He certainly is. We don't have a lot of time. Start living for Him. Let's give up those worldly temptations that only satisfy for a little while, but then really just bring us pain. Life is like a vapor (James 4:14).... Don't wait till it's too late to give up the thing/things you hold onto and to really live for Him .

Ideal Man and Ideal Woman

"When you speak I will be reminded of Solomon's Wisdom.

Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses.

Your faith will remind me of Abraham.

Your confidence in God's Words will remind me of Daniel.

Your inspiration will remind me of Paul.

Your heart for God will remind me of David.

Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah.

You integrity will remind me of Joseph.

Your ability to abandon your own will will remind me of the disciples,

*Your ability to love unselfishly and willingly will remind me of Christ.

BUT I won't need to identify you by any special Matthews or and special Marks

cause His word will be tatted all over your heart"

"And you will know me and you will find me 

where the BOLDNESS of Esther

meets the warm, closeness of Ruth,

with the hospitality of Lydia

is aligned with the submission of Mary,

which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah

I will be drenched in Proverbs 31

Waiting for you"

*I love these examples of what we should be as men and women in Christ :)

Rose Colored Glasses

Sometimes Life is confusing. Things happen and we don't know why. I've written about this a lot in my blogs about 'not knowing' and 'worrying' but I think I cause a lot of my confusion also. Sometime the answers are right in front of us and we just don't want to face them. We don't want to believe the truth or what we know the facts really say. I do that too many times.... It's now time to face the truth. To stop making excuses for whatever the situation may be and doing stupid stuff and to see whatever the problem is as it is. Without putting in my interpretation, because it seems I'm usually wrong and end up looking like a fool for interpreting in such a wrong way. I'm done being foolish. I'm done making excuses for myself and others. I'm ready to see things more clearly and stop trying to find my own will in God's will. He is my leader and my guide and I know He is not the author of confusion. I am. I confuse things for myself. I try to make things look better than they appear cause I don't want to see the truth. Well I'm done with my rose colored glasses and I'm ready to look at the truth. I'm ready to face the music. I'm ready to be real and cut out all the fakeness that I allow myself to believe is the truth, even if it's not what I want.
The END!

This Woman is Awesome!

POWERFUL! You Go Girl!
My Friend put this video on her FB and I went to the Youtube channel.... There are SOOO many great videos on there! I encourage you all to watch them!:)

. . . I Don't Know What To Do . . .

It is a slow fade isn't it? People don't wake up one day and cheat on their spouses, or wake up one day and just go kill someone. They don't wake up and decide to be alcoholics. They don't wake up and decide their going to be druggies or steal or whatever else it may be that people may do that isn't ideal. 

My dad use to be everything to me. When I was little he was so loving and always around. He took care of me and was there for me. He was at every soccer game I ever had. He was my biggest cheerleader. But now....

Now he lives about 10 mins. away from me in a condo. He is addicted to pain medicine and alcohol. He only ever calls me to complain about how sick he is or ask for money for more than likely cigarettes or alcohol. He also has a terminally ill disease and is on oxygen, which makes everything worse. As of recently he lost all of his power and my guess is he will lose his home soon also. My dad doesn't have a relationship with my brother anymore, he only met his fiance once and didn't even come to their wedding. My sister avoids calling and talking to him at all expense.  I just don't know what to do anymore. My dad has slowly faded into someone I can't even recognize. He's not the daddy I loved so much and looked up to. I see glimpses of who he was sometimes, but even those are beginning to fade away.

My family tells me not to give him money or even really be around him. I've been trying to do that, but I recently have had nightmares of him dying and in the dream I have this overwhelming sense of guilt for not doing more for him. But where do the boundaries need to be with someone who is addicted to things and is not who they once were? Where do you make that line? The Bible talks about respecting your parents and helping the poor. My dad, when I won't help him, will say things like, "You say your a Christian so you should ..." or, " that's not very Christian of you."  .... It hurts. I'm hurting. I'm hurting for him and for not knowing what is the right thing to do. Today I had to bring two trash bags full of food to his home because he has no food and no money  to buy food. I know that soon he'll probably lose his home and then what do I do? Can I just let my dad go into a homeless shelter? I don't know I'm so confused and lost on what to do in this situation. I'm praying for guidance. I know prayer is really the only thing I'm sure of that can help right now. Please pray for me. Please pray for my dad. And please when those little temptations come into our lives, whatever they may be; alcohol, drugs, lust, thoughts of stealing or whatever it might be, lets STOP ourselves from giving into those thoughts. Because one decision can start that slow fade into becoming something/someone that God never intended for us to be and that people won't even recognize is us.

2 Chronicles 20:12 -
"...We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” 

Matthew 26:41-
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

 

Lonely/ Empty

Do you ever feel really alone? I know I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone, even though I know I have all these people in my life that love me and are here for me, I do feel so alone at times.  And sometimes I just want to give into my stupid desires and what I want and want to ignore what God wants and what I know is right. I guess that's the devil's way of getting to me cause when I start to feel alone I only have bad and sad thoughts and go into a depression/pity party type mode. It's not like this happens often but part of yesterday and today I was feeling this way. I did all I could to try and avoid my feelings, to avoid that emptiness and loneliness. Last night I watched like 4 different movies just to ignore what I was thinking and feeling then I think my whole day started off bad today because I didn't go to church, always a bad decision. Then I slept most of the day. I woke up around 2:30pm only to come downstairs and lay on the couch and fall asleep again till 4:30pm. Then I decided I couldn't just let myself lay around, so I got up and went for a drive. I drove all around. I explored the cities around me and just listened to Christian Music and talked with God. Then I came home and got my Bible out and went on the deck and started reading. It's amazing how just picking up God's Word can change how I feel completely! All day I tried to avoid my lonely/empty feelings by sleeping it away, or yesterday just watching movies to ignore my feelings and then once I stopped and started talking to God and reading His Word I felt the loneliness go away and I felt filled up instead of empty. Why had I not done this from the beginning of those feelings? I don't know. I forget how BIG my God is sometimes and how He is the only thing that can complete me..... Sorry Lord.... Help me to remember You always and not let my feelings or other things take over my attitude or actions! Amen!

  

Psalm 55:22~

 ²² Cast your cares on the LORD
   and he will sustain you;
he will never let
   the righteous be shaken. 

Psalm 94:18-19~

¹⁸ When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
   your unfailing love, LORD, supported me.
¹⁹ When anxiety was great within me,
   your consolation brought me joy.

Legacy

"Anyone can be pretty. Before & after photos aren’t hard to achieve. However, I’m convinced that there are only a few truly beautiful women in the world. Beautiful girls know the love of God and it gives them the joy/security that shows. Sure, they care about their appearance, but they’re more concerned with living an amazing life for Christ. Pretty girls come and go; beautiful girls leave a legacy." 

~Leave A Legacy~

 

The Full Article (Below)

"I’m learning an interesting concept, though. In reality, anyone can be pretty. Before and after photos aren’t hard to achieve. On the other hand, I’m convinced that there are only a few truly beautiful women in the world. I want to be one of those. Sure they care about their appearance, but they’re more concerned with living an amazing life. They naturally make people feel at ease. They have the kind of personality that draws people in, that isn’t rude. They can be confident without being cocky. They’re cool with doing their own thing — whether it’s marching in the band, collecting rocks from cool places, going to concerts, working on their three- pointers or treating every customer on the other side of the counter like he or she is important. They know how to dress and that modesty and chic can indeed go hand in hand. They’re not obsessed with their jean size.

They’re all about denying themselves and serving other people, whether they’re playing with kids in a tribe along the Amazon River or going out of their way at church to talk to someone new. They dig into God’s Word. They don’t just tote their Bible around for fun; they use it. They memorize it. They go to it for answers.

Ultimately, beautiful girls know how loved they are by God and that gives them the kind of joy and security that shows. Beautiful girls rise above the fake, plastic kind of pretty our world is obsessed with, and they choose something far more wonderful and mysterious: a heart like Jesus’.

I’ve learned that if I spend so much time obsessing over what’s in the mirror, I miss out on the amazing adventure God has for me. If I get too obsessed with myself, I fail to see what He’s doing around me. I wonder how it breaks His heart when we stare in the mirror and call His creation worthless. On the other hand, when I’m spending time with Him every day, I’m thankful for the body He’s given me.. I’m actually proud of the scars I have because they remind me of a special journey He and I took together.

It should be enough to know that He dreamed us up in His mind; that He looks at us with total love and adoration; that He loves our laugh, the hump in our nose and the way we love on hurting people. He loved us so much He died in our place — an act too beautiful for words.

Forget the fake plastic smiles and obsession with your jean size. Let’s pursue something more. In the moments you feel alone, He’s holding you close. The face you look at and want to change is a face that fills Him with joy and pride. Pretty girls come and go; beautiful girls leave a legacy. God calls us beautiful. Let’s believe what He says."

Willingness and Faith

So I was reading in Judges recently and in Judges 11 there is a man that was raised up as a Judge to save Isreal named Jephthah and he made a vow to God saying, (vs. 11:30)- “If you give the Ammonites into my hands, ³¹ whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the Ammonites will be the LORD’s, and I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering.”  Little did Jephthah know that the first thing to come from his house when he returned  from defeating the Ammonites would be his only child, his daughter. She came from the house dancing, excited to see her father. He was devastated and told her he had made the vow to the Lord he could not break. She replied to her father saying,(vs. 11:36) “you have given your word to the LORD. Do to me just as you promised, now that the LORD has avenged you of your enemies, the Ammonites." It's amazing to just hear of her great faith and willingness to let herself be sacrificed so willingly. She didn't make a huge fuss or anything knowing she would be killed. She just really stuck out to me. I hope I can be more like her and when faced with sacrifices I have to make for the Lord be more willing and have a good attitude like her. I'll probably never have to sacrifice my own life, but in just reading about her I have learned from her great faith and willingness.

XoXo ...A Kiss... XoXo

A Kiss can be and mean many things can't it?

When we're little a kiss is a mother's and father's sign of love

and helping take the pain from the 'boo, boos' away.

A kiss wakes the Princess from her slumber.

When we go into middle school and high school a kiss can be a game. People play things like truth or dare or spin-the-bottle.

A kiss can be an innocent first kiss between young people who think or who are in love.

A kiss, as we grow older, can turn into something that is passionate or lustful.

A kiss is something a dad might do to his daughter's cheek before turning and giving the bride away to her husband. 

A kiss can show true love. A kiss seals the oath between a husband and wife.

A kiss can be a betrayal in kissing someone who you shouldn't be kissing.

A kiss was used, from a friend, to betray Christ.

Kisses are used to say hello, with one to each cheek

A kiss is used when saying goodbye to someone who is about to meet their Maker.

Think of how many things a kiss can mean: love, betrayal, "goodbyes", "hellos", lust, deceit, approval, a promise. I've never really thought about all the different things a 'kiss' can mean. .....

What does a kiss mean to you? Is it important to you? Do you kiss anyone generally? Is kissing relaxed and more casual to you, something you do just for fun? Or do you save it for only the ones you feel strongly about or love? Have you ever betrayed someone with a kiss? Maybe in kissing someone you shouldn't be kissing? Kissing has so many meanings behind it...  Kissing was the very thing that Judas used to betray Christ. It makes me think?

Kissing ... 

I want to make sure the reasons I kiss someone are the 'right' reasons. A kiss can fool us. A kiss can blur our judgment in thinking someone is something they're really not. I don't think the 'hello' and 'goodbye' and 'mommy/daddy' type kisses are the ones that need to be worried about at all. It's the relationship type kisses that can get us into trouble. Some people go around kissing anyone and everyone, so kissing isn't a 'big' deal anymore. But think about a kiss. It's what starts the, 'two becoming one'. How do the love scenes always start in a movie? With a kiss...   

People say kissing isn't a big deal, but it is. It's being vulnerable with someone. It's allowing them to become very close with you. It's, like I said, the start of the 'two becoming one process'. I'm not saying "don't kiss anyone" lol, I'm just saying maybe we should take it more seriously? And not start that process with just anyone and everyone, even if you're dating them. I know this is definitly easier said than actually done, lol. Because we do like feeling that closeness with someone we like and we do think kissing is fun, exciting, and feels good; But kissing leads to more, as we all know, and kissing opens up feelings to start or grow and we should guard our hearts like it says to in the Bible tons of times (Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:4, just to name a few verses, lol). I've been definitly guilty of not guarding my own heart a few times. Kissing has definitly clouded my judgment before. I've been guilty of kissing when I probably shouldn't have. Believe me I am surely talking to myself, but I just wanted to share with you guys also, so that you can be maybe more inclined to guard your own hearts as well. Let's keep our hearts unbroken and save our hearts and the rest of our kisses for the person Christ will bring to us, in His timing and will.  :)

Lol ;)

Strip Me

Racy title, lol, but it's not what you think. Natasha Bedingfield's semi-new song, 'Strip Me,' has been amazing for me to listen to lately. I don't know anything about Natasha spiritually or anything like that, but this song has really spoken to me! I've been getting back into my running routine and every time I listen to this song on my IPod I feel so pumped up! Why? You may ask? Just Listen to the lyrics or read them lol ....
Everyday I fight for
All my future somethings
A thousand little awards
I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime
Earning things I don’t need
That’s like chasing rainbows
And coming home empty  
This is the first stanza and right from the beginning it brings me in. I do sometimes run after things of this world and 'awards' here on earth, which really don't mean anything when you think of eternity and being with Christ and there are so many times when I chase after 'rainbows' or things that just aren't real, or reachable, or mean anything.....

And if you strip me,
Strip it all away
If you strip me,
What would you find
If you strip me,
Strip it all away
Ill be alright
Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I’ll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
But you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me 

This is the chorus and this is where my running always picks up, lol. To me this chorus is saying look at me, raw me, look at who I really am not what I pretend to be. Is what I am real, am I really what I claim to be? I feel like the answer is, "Yes" and is telling Satan I am a REAL Christian and if you take everything away I'm still 'alright.' I feel like the next part is what I would say to Satan, " Take what you want, Steal my pride, Build me up, Or cut me down to size, Shut me out But I’ll just scream, I'm only one voice in a million, But you aint taking that from me" It's like a punch in the gut to Satan, I feel, telling him that he can't hold me back or get me to be quiet and even if no one was following and I was the only 'one' then I'd still matter and have a voice for Christ and he can't ever stop me!

Another part in the song says:

Cos when it all boils down
At the end of the day
Its what you do and say
That makes you who you are
Makes you think about,
Think about it
Doesn’t it
Sometimes all it takes is one voice

This part has great meaning to me as well. Because what I do and say makes a HUGE difference in my witness for Christ and it helps encourage me to think that sometimes 'one voice' is all that is needed to shine Christ's light.

I posted the YouTube of the song below :) Maybe this song can bring encouragement to you as well, as it has for me, in basically telling Satan: he can't hold us back, no matter what he tries to do, WE WILL BE HEARD and He CAN'T stop us!!!!! :D

Future?

Future?  I feel like with most decisions I've made in my life I've felt positive about or I have felt content in deciding after prayer, but for some reason I am so confused in my future plans and where I need to go for my Masters. I will be applying this Fall to UC and UK. I have ruled out Louisville (This is where I wanted to go the most, but because I know no one there, I feel like I shouldn't go (I still may apply, though, just to see if I would get in)) and  I ruled out Asbury (because it's too expensive). I am worried about making the wrong decision with where to go. With UK I would move to Lexington in January (If I got a job there) or I would wait and move there next Fall (2012) for when my Masters would start. With UC I would just get a job around where I live now and probably still live at home. I feel like going to Lexington I would meet a lot of new people and there would be a lot of new changes! I would be closer to a lot of friends also.... I don't know if anything would change if I stayed here. I love being around my family and friends near home, but I want to find a church with people my age and get involved with them. I feel stuck in the same routine at home, but I know things could change here. I may find somewhere I can get involved or something may happen?  I feel a pull to both places. I feel like UK should be the easy, "Duh, go there" choice(because of all the new opportunities there), but something keeps me still thinking of staying around home. I'm in need of prayer for clear direction. I know I have some time, I just need all the prayers I can get even now. Please pray for direction for me and for the Lord's Guidance in where I should go. I hope that He makes it clear so there is no doubt in my mind. :) Thanks Guys! If there's anything I can pray for you about don't hesitate to call/text/e-mail me!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7)

Feeling So Blessed!

Update from the 'Please Pray' blog post ....

God is soOoO good guys!.... I've been seriously praying and trying to figure out where to do my field placement for my practicum in the Fall. I've been praying a lot about it and I even thought about going to Japan, but it's way too short notice for that to happen. I was worried about finding a placement I wanted because so many girls had already begun calling and making interviews before me, since I found out late that I could graduate early. My first choice for a Practicum was the Child Advocacy Center in Florence (I was really worried about getting this placement though because so many people had already interviewed from my class and I had heard they were only taking two people and one girl in my class had said she had already gotten one spot) and then I also interviewed at the Diocesan Children's Home in Ft. Mitchell. I got a hold of the Children's Home right away. The Advocacy Center took a lot of time to finally get an interview with (I probably called 15 times, lol, and left a few voice-mails, messages, and e-mails, the women I interviewed with even said that I was very persistent in calling which they liked, thankfully, lol) Both meetings went well. The Child Advocacy Center said they would let me know Monday (today) if I was accepted and the Children's Home told me right away I got the practicum if I wanted it. I really wanted the Advocacy center though because not only did I think it would look better on a resume, but I thought I would be challenged there and both the women I interviewed with seemed to be Christians which would be an awesome bonus :) ... So I had been praying ever since the interview that if it was God's Will I would get it and today I probably checked my e-mail for their response 20 times, lol. Well around 5 pm I still had not gotten anything. I started to get kind of disappointed, but then I checked my voice-mail and I had a message from Mrs. Holleran, one of the main women who will be supervising me and who I interviewed with,  she told me that I could have the practicum if I wanted it and they'd be happy to have me! I checked my e-mail also and there was a message in my inbox from her telling me I got the Practicum! I feel so blessed! I am just so appreciative that I was chosen to intern there! Thank you for all of you who were praying for me! I feel like I'll learn a lot there and be able to help a lot of families and children (In case if you all didn't know the Advocacy Center helps children who are sexually, physically, or mentally abused or have witnessed a violent crime). Please keep me in your prayers that I can do the best of my ability there when I start in the Fall (hopefully I'll do some volunteer work there this Summer) and keep these families and children in your prayers also, they really need it! Thanks guys! :) And thank You Lord for this amazing opportunity!

Gibeonite Deception

All of Joshua talks about Joshua's leadership and about the Israelites taking over the land that was promised to them. Joshua 9 talks about the Gibeonite deception. The Gibeonites feared the Israelites and feared them killing them, like they had many other people. So they made a plan to trick the Israelites into thinking they were from a far off country (they really were very close). They went to the Isrealites disguised (wearing clothes that looked worn) they said they wanted to make a treaty with the Isrealites and they lied when asked where they were from. The Israelites did not inquire from God before agreeing to make a treaty with the Gibeonite people (vs.14). The Gibeonites seemed like they were people from afar and seemed to be telling the truth so they thought 'why not' make the treaty? Soon after making the treaty the Israelites found out that the Gibeonites had lied to them. They found out that the Gibeonites were a neighboring city and in turn they had to keep their oath to not harm them and take down their city, instead they made the Gibeonites into servants (but in reading further into other books the Gibeonite people often caused trouble for Israel)  . . . . This story stuck out to me. I started to think that there are so many times when things seem right. Things seem like the right answers or seem fine to do. Just like the Israelites thought like the Gibeonites seemed to be people they could trust. But as the verse says, Joshua 9:14: '.... but they did not inquire of the Lord." Things can seem right and seem like the Christian thing to do, or seem not harmful, or like something that is in our best interest, but we must remember to go to the Lord with all of our decisions and always inquire to what He wants.  We don't want to be like the Israelites and believe lies and end up in regret and not getting what Christ wants to give us fully and having a hindrance in our journey of faith.